F*ck you. You’re doing it wrong.
Our welcoming manners suck.
Do you remember what it’s like to show up to something for the first time? Were you uncertain, or maybe even nervous?
Ever show up to something to help, participate, learn etc only to get treated like Forrest Gump on the Army bus?
How likely are you to show up, at all interested in a movement, if people talked to you like that — before you even left the safety of home? Isn’t that sorta why “we” don’t like the Nazis? They’re assholes who treat people like garbage?
Fuck you guys for doing that to people. Seriously. YOU are our own worst enemy.
Some of you regular readers (thank you for sticking around!) have caught on that I show up in person in some pretty “radical” circles and engage in “extremist” activities like hosting homeless people with face tattoos for a few weeks because they existed without shoes for months and there’s nowhere out “there” to heal.
Somebody has to DO the things. Might as well be me. I guess.
A friend who does things, too observed my mindset at one such incident, “I like how you told everybody that you couldn’t be present with that guy having problems over there, and then helped solve that guy’s problem, which also solved your problem.”
I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing. Is it even altruism if the good deed is often with a heavy “sigh” – I guess I’ll do it. Somebody has to.
You mean, not everybody thinks and does as I do?! Color me shocked. Amazed.
Did you know our brains are literally structurally different as it applies to altruistic behavior? And here you are applying your worldview from your own wonky brain to this other person you have never even met and just called them names? Probably feels pretty heroic…
You do this to people who are unwittingly miswording their offer of giving you their attention, support, or problem-solving ideas. Maybe they are not as educated as you? Maybe their reading comprehension isn’t great? Yet you bash the only people who are displaying interest in helping you, or learning about your topic?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
So, I’ve been having this crazy idea that “we” begin conversations assuming a person is brand new here.
Assume that they do not know how to use the 3 seashells.
Who doesn’t know how to use the three seashells?! Are you a fucking moron?!
Might we realize, no. That person does not know what you know. Is entirely clueless as to your worldview, race, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation or otherwise know what it is like to be you. Yet, they took an extra second of consideration on your behalf.
That is a BLESSING!
It is neither good nor bad that some people cannot grasp the horrors of a genocide on the other side of the planet. Their brain just does not do that. That does not make them a Zionist. Some people cannot make mental pictures, either. They possess no mind’s eye.
So, then why do we assume so much about the person, and their intent behind the font? Would their feed, curated by the oppressors, look the same as the algorithm looks for you? Why would they be at all interested in reading, or researching your particular dilemma – you just treated them like shit.
Me? I’d tell you and your cause to fuck right off. That belittling shit ain’t my vibe. You just made me shift hard and fast from initial interest to precisely – None.
I agree, it is maddening to hear people ask “why don’t you just _____?” in response to homelessness, disability etc. My brain pops to this classic poem. How is that man supposed to JUST get a job when he doesn’t have shoes and can barely walk because he has no shoes?
I am not of the school of thought that thinks “why don’t you just _____” is an entirely negative query. To me, it signals problem-solving thoughts, consideration on your behalf, and an opening to dialogue on the situation. Maybe, this person does have some ideas you hadn’t considered. Maybe the larger issue becomes something they’d like to interact more about – and you JUST ran them off calling them names because they used the word “just?”
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Welcome Here!
Let me be the first to strive to put all of my own assumptions aside and begin INVITING and WELCOMING people to a new perspective, to “our” movement, to “our” society.
Have you been here before?
Let me give you a tour! You’ve heard of the three seashells?
Where are you from?
Yeah, man. Those Okies still call Natives “Indians,” and we’re trying to get away from that word here in Oregon because our heritage is The First Peoples of North America. But I do know this Indian spot that serves a great cup of chai.
Did I hear/see you use the F-word earlier?
Yeah, I’m gay and that word is mine now.
Hey! I’m not sure if you knew or not, but we’re trying to not park here and save this space for differently-abled friends so they can access the event.
Oh shit! You are a double-leg amputee!
(he did park somewhere else so people with even less mobility could get in, he said he got on fine with his prosthetics. Can you imagine what a bigger ass I’d be if I had started off by calling him names?)
We may not always deliver our welcoming intentions with grace, yet might we BEGIN?